And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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