help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
