i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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