3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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