Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
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