no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
