Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
its liver damage thursday
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
