Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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