he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
