Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
