U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
