I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
