i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
