Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
