my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
