An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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