she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
