In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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