I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
