Duck Duck Cougar?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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