he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
