So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
