I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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