I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
