why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
two words...techno handjob
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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