drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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