[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
