i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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