I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
