Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
