So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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