guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
