I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
