you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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