wrigley field is MILF paradise
she was so not down for the gang bang
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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