Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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