Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
