I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
