why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
