K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
