My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
