Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
