I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
