Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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