Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
3pm strippers are depressing
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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