What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
