Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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