dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
