You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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