How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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