btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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