I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
