Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
